Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
