ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
