i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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