I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
