can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
