Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
