I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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