guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
