OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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