I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
