I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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