mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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