just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
