***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
