so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Couch. On fire.
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