Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
