Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
they're like a gay fantastic four
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
