Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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