You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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