I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
