Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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