I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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