Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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