I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
