This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
