last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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