it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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