I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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