doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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