She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
