My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
