that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I supernannyed him into submission
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
