the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
