im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
