Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
