quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it glows. i had to have it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
