this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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