the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
