idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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