I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The best revenge is premature balding
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
