Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
