he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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