She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
