farters have to be the big spoon...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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