im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
