I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
