have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My ass is underappreciated
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
