i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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