too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
