Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
