Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
